naziehah

life. love. learn. dream.

What a freak! November 23, 2009

Filed under: Life of Action — naziehah @ 1:39 am

I know you are reading this. You big fat freak! It is not cool to create a fake profile, create a fake persona just to get to know my secret. I don’t know why you are doing this, I don’t know for what reason, but listen to this again.

I might not be able to do anything much about it now, but do know, oh please do know, that what comes around goes around. Do know that Allah is watching, and while you think you are so clever for doing whatever you are doing now – He will have the Last Word.

And do also know, that I will be praying – hard.

 

I hug a bear November 19, 2009

Filed under: Life of Action — naziehah @ 9:54 am

1. I hug a bear this morning. You know, those bear mascot thingies. It (because it’s a mascot) tried to hug a guy that walks in front of me, but he ran away. So I give it a hug. :)

2. I am so into my study. (yeah, yeah I keep saying this again and again but I can’t help it :P ). I am loving every minute of the lecture, and I can feel myself just gobbling up everything that the lecturers said. It is challenging and my brain is so tired everyday, but tired in a good way. Like after you workout, your muscle is tired, but you feel so good. Yeah, like that.  And I still remember this is exactly what I want. I used to go to a lot of seminars and lectures, and after some point, I found that I should be doing the teaching for I know the subject better than the teacher/speaker! The materials are outdated, under-researched with no substance whatsoever, and I became very frustrated. I realised than maybe I have learnt all I need for that level, and I need to move up another level.  Alhamdulillah, my prayer is granted :)

3. I wanted to go to Yusuf’s (previously known as Yusuf Islam) concert. But there’s nobody who wants to go with me :( I don’t mind going alone if it’s in Manchester, but it is in Liverpool and I have never been to Liverpool although it’s just a trainstop away. I initially plan to go to Birmingham’s concert, but I have coursework that’s due around that date, so that is out of question. So, it’s either Liverpool or London now. I keep checking the tickets, and they are still selling but I keep postponing buying because I still think that somehow I can find somebody who wants to go with me. Any takers?

4. I am starting to get allergic reaction from eating too much seafood I think. My body is so sensitive any imbalances in my diet either I am eating too little of this, or too much of that is immediately reflected on my skin. I have always loved fish and seafood, and although Manchester is full of ‘halal’ places, I do not eat that much chicken or red meat. So, to balance it out, today I had 2 piece chicken for dinner and I am so full. Blek.

5. I am planning to visit my sister I in Northampton next weekend. So, I need to really finish up my coursework. I aim to get it finished by Friday. We are going to watch New Moon. ehehe.

6. I haven’t been taking pictures for ages. I am so not a lifetsyle-blogger :P

7. I feel much better everyday. Keeping busy with courseworks and research helps a lot I think. But I don’t want to approach it as escapism. I want to learn how to embrace change. To embrace hardship. To embrace heartache. In my teenage years and early 20’s, I have always done this escapism thing and I knew now that it never solved anything. You are just burying the issue further, but you are not resolving it. I am learning to resolve, to accept, to forgive, to forget, and most importantly to be at peace with myself.

 

Thanks, Beautiful November 17, 2009

Filed under: Life of Action — naziehah @ 6:37 am
Tags: , ,

Isn’t it just so lovely. The playing. The music. Even if it’s not your thing surely you can appreciate this one.

My Motivational Monday now is becoming Musical Monday. I have made a habit of treating myself with beautiful classical music every Monday at the RNCM lunchtime concert.

And in the concert just now, as I was swept away with the beautiful playing, in my mind’s eye, I suddenly saw a  world that is buzzing with creative energy. Where people all coming together to create great works – either in art or science or business. And when they rest, they pray. And, they start working again. For their work, the art, their thought, are all inspired by The One, The Only One. It’s such a vivid visualisation in my head. And it made me feel very happy. :)

And I have been enjoying my research every day. Today while reading in the library, I thought of how in Malaysia I used to hang around in MPH, browsing their business books, and budgeting my money as I can only spend so much on books. And now, here I am, surrounded by books of every nature, of every kind – and I can just swipe my library card and they are mine! (well, at least for a week).

And then reading messages and comments from friends, I feel warmth and life comes back to me. I don’t even know where to begin to express my gratitude for the few short sentences all of you sent my way. When the cold and loneliness creeps in again, now I have your messages to warm my heart. Thank you all, you beautiful people.

These are the things that made me put everything in perspective. My life in perspective. While there as aspects of my life that I am sad about, there are so many more things that I am just so blessed with. How can I complaint for long? How can I be ungrateful?

Thank you again, alhamdulillah.

 

When the going gets tough November 15, 2009

Filed under: Life of Action, Personal — naziehah @ 5:35 pm

..the tough get going (altogether now!) :P

I am facing a rather difficult time in my personal life now. Which I’m sure happened to everyone of us at some point in our life. My challenge is, and now I am going to be very honest about it – I am not very good at talking about my problems. This is the side effect of being the firstborn, I’m told.

I am much comfortable being the shoulder to cry on, than being the crier. Some people told me to just get over it and open up to people. While this might be easy for some of us, this is a very difficult thing for me to do. And as I get older, it just keep getting harder and harder!

However, although in this moment, when I am feeling a bit low, I am still grateful that I can put things in perspective. I can reflect and think about how I am going to make myself and the situation better. For this I am forever grateful to my mother, for teaching me about faith and hope and prayer and to my father, who taught me that nothing is impossible, if you want it bad enough.

This hard times are also a reminder to me to cherish good times. For if there is no hard times, how would we know the value of good times? And I have been blessed with so many good times and beautiful moments.

I guess, when we step away from our problems, and look at it as an outsider – we’ll realise that thing is not so bad. Of course, there are things that is going to be different, but again, that’s life isn’t it. Nothing stays the same.

Again, because I am not very good at verbalising my cry for help, I hope some of you who’s hoping that I do the first step reaching out – please do extend your hand first, and let me grab hold. And even if I don’t take it the first time, please don’t give up on me. Trust me, I am trying as hard as I can. It’s not easy to break a pattern of 28 years!

I appreciate the fact that some of you are still very patient with me. Even if I don’t reach out yet, do know that I really appreciate every small hellos, every little contact, every little message – facebook or e-mail that is sent my way. I will get back to them, insha-Allah.

If you know me personally, either from way back in school, or if you have met me in some point of my life and we clicked for some reason, do know that this is the time that I would appreciate a little bit of hellos. Amazingly, once I started thinking about making connections with my friends, I have been getting a few hellos. I really do appreciate all of them, thank you very much.

I am sure things are going to get better, insha-Allah. While I am a bit in the slump, I hope you can say a little prayer for me.

 

Chicago and La Haine November 14, 2009

Filed under: Life of Action — naziehah @ 8:39 am
Tags: ,

Ok this is a bit overdue but I am a masters student now, updating my psersonal blog daily is a luxury I can’t afford!

I went and watch Chicago the musical at the Palace Theatre some days ago (or is it last week?) and I had a blast! I watched the movie first, and I loved it and have watched it nearly 10 times. So, when the tour came to Manchester, I just have to catch the show! I love almost all songs from Chicago but my favourite part got to be the ‘cell-block tango’ and ‘mr cellophane’. All the dancers were super-fit which made my flab shrink in embarassment. Gotta hit that Wii Fit! (ahaha, ok, this is for another entry)

(image credit to here)

Btw, this is the original poster!

Then on Tuesday I watched La Haine at the public-screening organised by the race relation organisation in the uni. It was such a good movie. Before it start, we were given a short introduction and background analysis of the movie from a phd student studying drama. The movie dealt with a really heavy subject, but the director still manage to entertain while making me depressed at the same time. This, to me – is the mark of a really good movie. It’s ability to make you feel so many emotions, and still leave a poignant message for you to ponder on your way back.

(image credit to here)

It’s such a contrast those 2, Chicago and La Haine. Almost a direct opposite.  But both had things that I can learn from :)

 

Purple and Print November 13, 2009

 

Rainy day poetry November 6, 2009

Filed under: Life of Action, Puisi & Poetry — naziehah @ 6:48 am

semua tunduk. jalan laju
bawah payung. parka kelabu
hujan turun. rintik berlagu
rititik rititik
rututu rututu

this sort-of poem came to me while i was walking in the rain. it keep me occupied and less focused on the fact that my feet is soaking wet and my jeans was drenched to the knee.

ah, definitely the time to get myself that yellow phua-chu-kang’s boot.

on another note, I just came back from watching Chicago at the Palace Theatre. So going to blog about it next!

 

Red and Stripey November 5, 2009

 

Spiderman on my roof October 30, 2009

Filed under: Life of Action — naziehah @ 7:25 pm

Woken up by voices of policemen outside my door AND the phone ringing blaring the name of my housemate at 5 in the morning is not the best way to start your day.

As I am typing this, I am still feeling a bit dizzy and jittery.

At around 5 this morning, my phone rang, blaring the name of Y, and I was like’ why is she calling me from across the room, at this time?’. Phonecalls at this hour was never good. But phonecalls from your own housemate that lives across the hall at this hour is even WORST, especially when it is accompanied by voices of men talking outside my door.

I.literally.frove. What is going on?

Scrambling down my bed, I picked up the phone, and she said ‘there’s policemen outside your room, talking to a burglar that is now on the roof. don’t be afraid. come to my room if you want’.

WHAT?

It has got to be one of the scariest moments in my life. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know whether I am in danger. I don’t know whether my housemates are in danger. What am I supposed to do? Should I stay in the room? Should I go out? Are they armed?

Millions of questions were running through my head and while I calmed myself down, I listened to the conversation going on outside my bedroom door. The policemen were coaxing somebody, asking him (I assume it’s a man) to talk to them and to come down. He was talking in a low and calm voice so I know that it is not an alarming situation.

But inside my room, on my own, in my bed, scary stories started playing in my head. What if the man falls through the roof into my room? What if he climbed down and break through the window? Does he has a weapon? I was so scared all I could do is recite the ayatul kursi over and over again.

After a few minutes, I braved myself to open my bedroom door. A few policemen were outside talking and they saw me. In a low voice again they told me that everything is fine, and I just need to stay inside my oom. It made me feel better and I went to the window and have a glance around the house. It’s still dark by I managed to see a few policemen circling around the house.

After a few more minutes, the policemen left and I went out to see my other housemates who are now huddled in Y’s room. It seems that this man might be a burglar and he was stuck on the roof for hours. According to one of my housemate, who are able to see more from their window views, there are policemen, ambulance, firetrucks and at one point even a helicopter ready!

After a few more minutes, he moved from our roof to the neighbour’s. So the policemen left my house and went to talk to the man from across the road.

We peeked through the window, watching the whole commotion. There were 2 negotiators, trying to make him come down. By this time, he’s already speaking back to the negotiator and it is indeed a he. When asked how he got up the roof the man said ’spiderman,spiderman’. He wants cigarettes now and is bartering that if the policemen gave him ciggies, he will come down. The whole negotiation and coaxing went on for a few more hours. Alas, the man did come down from the roof.

Scary as it was, I am still grateful that at least the man is outside the house, on the roof and not inside the house. Alhamdulillah, we were not burgled. We were not harmed. Spooked and scared to death for sure, but at least we are safe.

I am still not sure if he is a burglar or not. Or maybe he is someone who has a mental-illness problem. I don’t know. He was not hand-cuffed when he was taken away. But I do caught a few things from their conversation. It seems that he’s been ‘in and out since he’s 18′. He is still a young man, I caught a glimpse of his face when he went down the ladders. In some strange way, I do feel a bit pity towards him. Maybe he’s in a really bad situation and he doesn’t know what to do. I hope his life will get better after this.

I planned to go to the office and do some work today as I don’t have any class. But now, only at 10.30 in the morning, I am feeling tired and nervous. I guess maybe I was still pretty shaken up. Maybe I will just take it easy today and do some light reading from the house.

Please do pray for our safety and I know it’s quite a contra to say this after this entry, but do have a great weekend? ;)

Here’s a few pictures that we managed to take in order to prove that we are OK :)

ladder
Firemen carrying the ladder to the side of our house

negotiator
The negotiator’s leg, standing on the ladder while coaxing the man to come down. Yeah, he’s just right by our kitchen window.

peeking
My housemates peeking through the window

policecar
Police car and fire truck blocking the road.

 

It’s so good to be back October 30, 2009

Filed under: Life of Action — naziehah @ 8:29 am

These past few week, while very exciting, its also a bit confusing for myself. I didn’t realise that the transition from self-employed/entrepreneur to a student can be quite challenging. All these going to lectures, groupworks, assignments and deadlines had made me sort of too absorbed into the student life and mindset. I think it is quite normal, but I don’t really feel like myself.

These past 2 days, I have been going to this business seminar that is held in Manchester Central and I felt like I finally get connected to the other diminishing part of myself. Going to seminars, business workshops and networking – these are the things I am used to do in Malaysia. While it’s pretty similar in essence, for I am still learning whether I am in business seminar or university, the atmosphere and the content is totally different. While I love being back in university where I am given the best of academic resources and information, there’s a part of myself that missed the whole vibrancy of entrepreneurial/business learning environment.

Therefore, I am so grateful to be able to attend this 2 days business convention/exhibition. I rushed before and after class to the city centre to attend the workshops and it was a really nice change of pace for me. It is something that I really, really need.

I think I really need to find that tricky balance between the academic world and my entrepreneurial tendency. More often that not, I found both side of myself keep arguing with each other! But I guess it’s a process that everybody needs to experience when going through a period of change in their life.

But it sure is tricky!