June 2007


In the midst of all the hu-ha about Lina Joy’s case, I am amazed at how people can be so selfish.

Selfish in only wanting to accept what they think is the right thing. Selfish in only looking at things from one narrow tunnel point of view. Selfish in no even wanting to consider another option, another way of looking or handling things. As long as they can sleep well that night, that’s all they care about.

In the truest sense, Islam came upon us, to proivide ‘peace’ and ‘relief’. I am sure if anybody bothered to look hard enough, to turn their stiff neck to another direction for a while, they will find a better way how Islam would solve the problem. If only human being can strip their ego and dense thinking, they will be able to get the essence of what the True Teaching of Islam is really about.

Islam that values ‘family’ and ’sancitity of breed’. Islam that will not ‘force anything unto anyone’. Islam that encourages ’self-discovery’ and operates with ‘hikmah’.

I just hope that one day I can find a Compassionate Muslim that understand The True Teaching of Islam.

In the information age that you can learn almost anything, what most people are drawn to learn about is living life.

That is why Paulo Coelho is the international bestseller time and time again. That’s why Mitch Albom’s novels are selling like hot cakes. That’s why you and me keep wanting more from them. In a life where most of the time we felt like a robot, fulfilling one’s material’s needs and desires ( not necessarily own’s need and desires ), we yearn for that wise words. To that jolt of lightning of words that strike to our hearts and minds and made us realise who we are again. To jolt us back to what it means to being ‘human’.

It’s easy to be lost and deluded living in this time. I watched “So you think you can dance”, America’s 3rd season and as always I am amazed at the level of delusion some people are living in. At the same time, I felt quite scared at the thought that it can also be easily me. However, I am sure I am not as deluded as going to the audition twice , bearing a nickname ‘Sex’, looking like the exact opposite of ‘Sex’ or anything sexual, and claiming ‘I am the Best’. The worst part of all, this poor man’s delusion was most definitely brought upon by his mother who were at his side all of the time cheering and leading him on. What hope do this man has in learning about life, when his own mother was as delusional?

Well, I am all for ‘following your dream’ and ‘persevering’, but I guess everybody should have with them a healthy dose of reality. But them again, how would we know when ‘persevering’ ends and when ‘plain stupidity and delusion’ steps in.

That’s why in this time, more than ever, we crave for Paulo Coelho’s books.

I am definitely going to buy the new one the next time I set foot in MPH.

I would love it if somebody would call me that (over-achiever ). But at the moment, let’s just say that it is something of an aspiration that is causing a lot of chaos in my head.

In my quest for relaxation and slowing down, I read CLEO’s magazine. It’s been a while since I last buy any women’s magazine so I thought you know, maybe I have been indulging too much in this hyper-motivating-goal-orientated reading material that maybe something more feminine and leisurely would do me good.

It’s my luck I got my hand on the ‘achievement’s edition where they splashed articles and articles of this woman’s achievement and that woman’s achievement that by the last article I am as relaxed as a boxer in between fights! I am all flushed and agitated and anxious. Far, far, far from being relaxed as I intended.

So I am all charged up again after reading CLEO, can you believe it? When women buy the magazine to learn about make-up tricks and solve boyfriend’s problem, I, somehow manged to turn it into…well, into something I normally read!

Gosh, I. really. need. to. find. a. way. to. relax. ( workable way ) 

Seorang penulis telah menghantar surat komen ke ‘The Star, untuk meluahkan rasa tidak gembira kerana telah di’ragging’ ketika menjalani sesi perkenalan di salah satu universiti awam di Malaysia.

Menurutnya, beliau dan rakan-rakan terpaksa melalui ‘peraturan-peraturan’ tidak masuk akal yang direka oleh pelajar-pelajar yang lebih ’senior’ seperti pakai 3 helai baju sahaja dalam masa seminggu dan hanya dibenarkan melakukan aktiviti senggang seperti mandi,tidur dan berehat dari pukul 2 pagi hingga 4 pagi sahaja. Oleh kerana jadual yang ketat dan aktiviti yang agak keras, para pelajar baru mengalami tekanan hingga menangis dan ada yang diserang ‘histeria’

 Teringat pula saya ketika zaman persekolahan dulu. Memang sudah lali diperlaku pelbagai rupa oleh ’senior-senior’. Seingat saya, pada ketika itu, tiada siapa ynag mengadu domba. Semuanya rela dan melalukan apa saja tanpa soalaan. Lain pula dengan ‘batch’ seterusnya yang kami anggap lebih ‘manja’, kerana diherdik sedikit sudah menangis.

Fenomena ini apabila diperhatikan, bukanlah asing. Sebagaimana, tok guru silat dahulu kala menyuruh anak muridnya melakukan perlbagai kerja berat demi ilmu persilatan, mungkin begitulah yang ada di fikiran ’senior-senior’ ini. Mungkin bagi mereka, dengan mendenda pelajar-pelajar baru berjalan itik di longkang, mereka memberi pengajaran. Mungkin sebenarnya jiwa manusia akan jadi lebih kental melalui ujian fizikal. Nah, bukankah anak-anak sekarang tidak pernah bekerja berat walau sedikit. Celik mata semuanya sudah disediakan oleh ibu, kalau bukan orang gaji Indonesia masing-masing. Maka, hati dan jiwa mereka selembik tulang dan otot yang jarang diguna pakai. Mungkin, kalau bukan ’senior-senior’ ini, siapa lagi yang dapat memberi ‘cabaran fizikal’ kepada mereka?

Namun begitu, dalam menggunakan alasan ‘memperkasa jiwa’, ’senior-senior’ harus sedar bahawa ‘junior-junior’ mereka, walaupun muda beberapa tahun, adalah tergolong daripada mereka yang cerdik pandai. Yang mempunyai kemampuan berfikir dan menganalisa akan relevannnya aktiviti atau tindakan yang dikenakan kepada mereka. Kalau dikenakan aktiviti yang melampau atau tindakan yang merendahkan martabat diri mereka, sudah pasti segala apa yang ingin disampaikan tidak akan diterima. Biarlah setiap aktiviti fizikal yang dikenakan, mempunyai nilai pengajaran terus yang dapat dihayati oleh pelajar-pelajar baru. Biar apa yang badan rasai, otak juga dapat nilaikan sewajarnya. Dapat serap pengajaran dan insafi akibatnya. Barulah matlamat untuk memperkasa jiwa pelajar-pelajar baru itu terlaksana. ‘Senior-senior’ juga haruslah mampu mengupas sebab mengapa mereka mengenakan sesuatu aktiviti atau denda. Setiap tindakan harus mempunyai sebab yang munasabah dan bijak, sesuai dengan status penuntut pengajian tinggi. Apa guna memanjat tangga universiti kalau nilai fikiran masih seperti anak-anak mentah?

Kes ‘ragging’ ini, pada pendapat saya, harus dinilai dengan pandangan yang terbuka dan dengan matlamat mencari penyelesaian yang membina kepada pelajar-pelajar baru. Kadangkala, kerana pelajar-pelajar kini terlalu dimuakan dengan keindahan dan kemudahan, hati dan jiwa mereka tiada imunisasi untuk berhadapan dengan cabaran di alam dewasa yang lebih menggerunkan. Mereka tamat universiti bagai kanak-kanak meluncur riang di atas kasut roda mengharap agar terus mendapat kerjaya idaman. Hati mereka tidak dipersiapkan dengan kemungkinan kejerihan demi kejerihan yang harus dilalui sebelum mencapai sesuatu kejayaan. Konsep ‘bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian’ hanyalah tinggal sebagai simpulan bahasa yang wajib dihafal ketika darjah 2. Graduan-graduan kita menggenggam ijazah dengan hati bubur dan wajah se’naif’ bayi mendambakan disuap makanan nestum segera.

Sebagaimana bayi harus menggeser kedua tapak tangan dan menyeret lutut di lantai merangkak sebelum berjalan, mungkin pelajar-pelajar baru harus melalu sedikit keperihan ini untuk menjadi graduan yang lebih matang dan berkualiti.

Dulu, pernah rasanya ketika berada di sekolah rendah, bahasa dipertutur adalah Bahasa Malaysia. Sebelum ditukar ke Bahasa Melayu. Dan baru-baru ini, kembali menjadi Bahasa Malaysia.

Mungkin panggilannya tidak penting. Yang penting adalah penggunaan dan penguasaanya. Kalau bukan kerana azam untuk memperbaiki penguasaan, mungkin tiada tulisan dalam bahasa ibunda langsung dalam blog ini. Begitu lemah penguasaan Bahasa Malaysia.

Bahasa Malaysia, bunyinya tidak begitu indah. Sukar nak cari puisi dalam Bahasa Malaysia ( kecuali klasik yang memang terkenal seperti Usman Awang ). Kalau penulisan cerpen pula, jalan cerita terlalu meleret. Terlebih bunga bahasa,, terkurang isi yang bijaksana. Sampai rasa mual nak membaca. Berita di akhbar juga, kalau tidak berat sebelah, sarat dengan propaganda politik yang tidak kurang meloyakan. Mungkin kerana sebab-sebab inilah penguasaan semakin berkurang. Kerana sukarnya mencari bahan bacaan yang mengasyikkan.

Mungkin juga kerana tidak bersungguh-sungguh mencari. Kerana dalam otak sudah mendakwa Bahasa Malaysia bahasa kedua. Mungkin juga kerana pengalaman asyik terbeli/terbaca penulisan yang menjijikkan menyebabkan rasa untuk mencari bahan bacaan Bahasa Malaysia semakin kurang. Mungkin kerana orang kurang mencari, maka kurang yang mahu memberi. Kurang penulis yang ingin menulis buku Bahasa Malaysia yang berkualiti. Masalah telur ayam dulu kah, atau ayam dulukah?

Yang pasti, kerana pendedahan terhadap dunia blog. Rasa timbul semangat untuk mendekati Bahasa Ibunda ini kembali.

I am supposed to take a break for a while. To just stop running here and there, physically and mentally. To just rest my erratic mind from thoughts that I am not sure healthy or not now. I am supposed to be relaxed.

Then how come I feel so unsettled. So edgy. So heavy. How come whatever it is I am looking for still eludes me.

( How come I still sound like a clueless 17 years old )

Will you ever be in a place that you will just know what to do. Know when to start.  And when to stop. When it’s taking a break. And when it’s just pure laziness self-indulgence kicking in.

I know I am in a slump now. In my downward cycle. But how come this slump just stretches on and on. I mean, when am I going to see the upward slope?

Iamnotmakinganysense

Diam itu harus

Aku lalui kerana jiwa ini perlukan diam

Diam yang pendek, yang panjang, yang sedang - jenisnya?

Diam untuk isikosong? Diam untuk tarahlorong? Diam untuk temuhujung?

Hingar warna merah, Sendu warna kelabu, Keliru warna celaru.

Bisakah diam

Berikuhijau?

I went to see this exhibition at Galeri Petronas today. It was the exhibition of Masnoor ( I can’t remember the full name ), a combination of painting, photography and videography. It was very interesting, and as always, I feel very at ease and peaceful

I spent quite some time at the library too. Looking at the exhibitors catalogue, marvelling at the beauty that is art, with my limited understanding. How I wish I knew more about what I was looking at.

It brought me to my childhood time, where I would spent hours looking at Salvador Dali’s painting in my uncle’s book.

Completely mesmerised. Completely clueless. Completely consumed.

I made a very wise decision to go to this KL International Dance Festival last Wednesday. A half day of dancing is what I really need to lift up a little gloom that is surrounding me.

It started off with Paola’s workshop ‘Belly Dancing for Fitness’ which really rings true to its title. Halfway I was panting madly like a dog! Paola is really fit, from her toned stomach to her ever energetic moves - she really made me think of increasing my fitness level.  

I then wait eagerly for the percussion jamming session. As I thought, Malaysian MEDs were quite shy dancing in public space, provided that we always have our close and women-only haflas before. I admit, I too, have a bit reservation. What I am afraid most if there’s happen to be my father’s friends lurking around BTS. Although the chances of balding ustaz roaming shopping centres in the middle of the city is pretty slim.

Once they started drumming, I can feel the vibe of the tempo entering my body. Hardly able to sit down, my whole body is twitching to dance! After seems like eternity, I managed to persuade a few brave souls to join me on the dance floor. We had a blast just losing ourselves to the beat of the tabla, enjoying the rythm and to just dance. The ever energetic Paola also danced with us. There were about 4 adults and a few kids dancing to the drums. The kids, as always, were all eager and confident to try and imitate the adults’ movements. They were just so cute!

I got home around 10-ish, completely spent but happy. I know that no mattter how gloomy my days were, how depressed I might feel, when I heard a tabla and dance to the beat - I’ll be okay.

I have been feeling like a heavy baloon of soot these past few days. I am beyond down and above despair. I do not know how to pick myself up from this grey hollowness..

I can’t be doing this again and again. I can’t.

I want to move on.

But I don’t know how.

Next Page »