naziehah

Putih Ungu

melayang ringan buat hati aku tenang

kerna kau lambang jiwa aku

yang ingin selalu terbang dan lepas

dari belenggu yang menjerut 

minda dan kaki

melingkar bagai deduri yang sering mencucuk

hati

harapan aku hidup

dan terbang dalam

lenggok tarian yang beralun

diusik bayu

lambang kebebasan,ketulusan,kehidupan,keindahan

©Naziehah Nov 2007

 I cringed sometimes reading what I wrote, especially the poem (or so-called poems). It is so not poetic (even to my own ears!).

But writing, especially poem, helps me become more honest with myself and my expression. I love the feeling of candidness that flows when I write. When I read back the poem that I wrote, it evokes the memory and feelings that I had at that time so vividly.

I will work on the quality of writing bit by bit. Meanwhile, I’ll just bear with the cringe.

Featured in Racialicious and Muslimah Media Watch. An article by Fatemeh Fakhraie.

It’s time to set the record straight, everyone. So here it is: belly dancing is not a significant facet of Middle Eastern culture. It’s a dance, not a lifestyle (not according to most Middle Eastern people, anyway).

I’ve had one too many people ask me if I belly dance when they hear about my religion or ethnicity. Belly dancing is something that is present in some form of another in most Middle Eastern cultures, but is not really a part of our identity. And I assure you, nowhere in the Holy Qur’an does it say, “Thou shalt belly dance.” But because of Hollywood’s old Orientalist glamour, images of belly dancing have become almost synonymous with the Middle East.

I can’t help but get irritated when someone assumes that s/he and I automatically have something in common because s/he belly dances. The truth of a real-live Middle Eastern woman belly dancing seems to validate all those silly images that come into one’s head about spangly costumes and the Dance of the Seven Veils. Belly dancing has a host of sexualized and savage images attached to it, and if Middle Eastern/Muslim women confess to belly dancing (for exercise, as a career, for fun, or whatever), those images get attached to us, and we no longer have individual thoughts or lifestyles. We don’t take care of our parents or our children, we don’t have jobs or have opinions about health care reform, we just belly dance. Like it’s all we do, all day. This is why it’s insulting when someone thinks s/he knows what it’s like to be a Middle Eastern/Muslim woman because s/he’s taken a belly dancing class or read a book about it. The image of a Middle Eastern woman belly dancing seems to take away from our identity: it erases who we really are, our different nationalities and ethnicities, our emotions, our day-to-day existence.

Now, let me assure you: my problem isn’t with the dance itself. Belly dancing is a great way to connect with one’s sensuality, to exercise, and to appreciate the body that God gave you. Nor is my problem with non-Middle Eastern women (or men) belly dancing (or with Middle Eastern people dancing).

What bothers me is the adoption of a caricatured Middle Eastern identity through coin-bedazzled bras and Middle Eastern stage names like “Amina” or “Vashti.” If you’re a non-Middle Eastern performer, why give yourself a Middle Eastern stage name? What’s wrong with a name that reflects your own ethnicity or interests? Is it not “ethnic” or “exotic” enough? Besides, how would you feel if someone else used the name your parents gave you (that perhaps also belonged to your grandmother or aunt) as a stage name for an act that most people in your culture consider shameful if done publicly? (Cultural lesson: in most parts of the Middle East, belly dancing is often a cover for illicit activities.)

Similarly, dance troupe names like “Desert Queens” or “Daughters of Scheherazade” serve the same exoticizing purpose when these troupes are full of non-Middle Eastern women set in a non-Middle Eastern setting (like Austin, Texas, for example, which hosted a Belly Dancing Convention last July).

I take offense at the presentation of Middle Eastern “culture” through things like transparent veils, coin necklaces, and henna tattoos because reducing the Middle Eastern experience to some jingly coins and a scimitar takes the humanity right out of us. Elements of Middle Eastern/Muslim stereotypes are irreparably attached to the use of swords, snakes, and veils. These props serve to reinforce the idea of Muslim/Middle Eastern women as dangerous, sexually arousing, sexually submissive, and just plain different from women in the West.

Performers (Middle Eastern or non-Middle Eastern) highlight these images when they (Middle Eastern or non-Middle Eastern) balance swords on their heads and give themselves henna tattoos. The inclusion of these props is often used to authenticate a Middle Eastern experience, making the performance or venue more like the “Mysterious Orient,” in which Middle Eastern women are acquiescing sexual props and Middle Eastern men are brutal and dangerous.

Why is this acceptable? These practices (other than henna for holidays and weddings) aren’t even Middle Eastern: Egyptian performers borrowed the ideas for these spangly suits from Hollywood in the early twentieth century. And no Middle Easterner just walks around all day with a sword perched atop her head. Belly dancing doesn’t even traditionally show off the stomach: a scarf is tied around one’s hips (over regular, concealing clothing) to emphasize the movements. So how did we get to sparkly bras and coin jewelry?!

Because sex sells! Early colonial performers knew what their (often Western or male) audiences wanted to see: sexuality. A pretty girl dancing sensually for the male gaze. Using veils in performances reiterates this: sashaying a veil under one’s heavily-painted eyes is done to entice and enchant, and is associated with the traditional face veils that upper-class (and thus inaccessible) Turkish, Egyptian, and Iranian women used to wear before (or during) colonization.

The problem is that belly dancing is permeated with all of these negative Orientalist dancing harem girl images. Can one belly dance without the coins, the henna, and/or swords? I think so. A long time ago, it was all about the scarf tied around the hips. It’s not flashy, but it’s sincere.

2 demonstrations in one month. People are wondering. The world is watching. What is happening?

Well, what is happening, in my humble opinion, is - people are getting smarter. It’s a natural progression. One same lie will not work twice, would it?

Of course, the method of the demonstration, the actions and repercussions - will always be ugly. That’s a given. 1 angry people will cause 1 tantrum. Times that by 10 000 more, the effect will not be pretty.

The core issue is, dissatisfaction is increasing. Human being, not very much unlike earth, as we and earth are the same, will handle pressure bit by bit. We bury it deep under. We tolerate things, we were walked over, we were taken for granted. But we keep quiet. But for how long can we do that? Naturally, we were not able to just be. To remain the same.  We will change. Pressure will push us higher and higher. Pressure will push us to change. Pressure will make us smarter.

We realise things. We understand better. We talked among us. We discussed. We reflect. We think.

We are unhappy.

Wa take actions. We were ignored. We take actions. We were rejected. We take actions. We were scorned at.

We become even more unhappy.

And everybody knows that when people becomes very unhappy, they make other peoples’ lives unhappy too.

Growing pains, I was thinking about this phrase and its meaning. Famous tv series in the mid 80’s, physical pain in children, - but this is nott the pain I am talking about. It is about the most painful of all pains, the emotional pain.

In growing up, from childhood to teenagehood, from teenagehood to young adulthood; emotional pains are inevitable. Milder pains like scolding from the parents, or riffs with your bestfriend although looks unimportant and negligible, can have a lasting impact on some people. Let alone serious emotional pain, like parent’s abusive words and actions, cruelty of teenager’s bullying. These actions were easily ignored because of it’s intangible nature. Abusive words and tauntings do not leave a physical mark on someone’s body. But the wound and scar can be as deep and dark as the bottomless sea.

I was searching about serial killers and cannibalism (due to influence of Hannibal Lecter - I watched Red Dragon yesterday and am going to watch Silence of The Lamb today ), I found that a bad childhood is one of the factor. Combined with histories of personality and behavioural disorders in their families, the results is often a very screwed up adult. While reading, I do not know whether to pity them, or to cuss at them. What I am sure is I am scared to death by them. (it still doesn’t stop me watching these kind of movies - I love them!).

I think growing pains, to a certain degree, is necessary. Like the saying, no pain no gain. And human being really truly do benefit from pains in the process of growing up. In the Holy Quran, there’s an ayah stating that ‘With every difficulty, there will be ease’. Simply means, that after every difficult periods in our lives, easier times will come. Like waves that rolls to the shore and back to the sea, that’s how it is with our lives.  

However, pains and difficulty that happened were those that happened naturally. And in view and intention of teaching resilience and increasing faith. Individuals that faced oppression, and abuse, I believe will not benefit from the growing pains as much. Even if they did, it also comes with emotional scars. Some of the scars, which is so bizzarre and complicated it manifested itself in various hideous crimes that is incomprehensible to human mind.

Growing pains are pains that is continuous for people who wants to progress. Who wants to better ourselves everyday. Therefore, if our aims is to be become a better person each day- embrace the pain, it will only be for a short while.

Crying baby image taken from this site 

By some miracle or something, Mrs. Wind was introduced with this reality TV show just a few months after she got married to Mr. Earth. Oh, how bizarre it is looking at our exact behaviour being replicated by the beauties and the geeks on the show! The squabbling, the tense moments, the never-ending arguments, the eye-rolling, the tantrum, the awkward moments and of course the most common - the nagging!

Mrs Wind is not the stereotype ‘beauty’ but boy did she got has issues with scientific terms and of course everything logical. Mr. Wind, although not the hardcore geel but is geeky enough to not have a single sense of rhythm in his body, and of course the sensitivity of a wood. 

They fought like cats and dogs - no, mad cats and mad dogs. Mrs Wind has no idea why she overlooked most of the extreme geeky details in her husband’s personality when they were going out. Mr Earth has no idea that Mrs. Wind is so against his extreme analytical and deliberate style.

Thanks to the show, Mrs. Wind understand geeks better, and hence were able to understand Mr. Earth better. So did Mr. Earth. He knows that at certain time, on certain subject he needs to just nod his head and restrained from giving logical reasoning. Mrs Wind knows that Mr. Earth needs his personal space and time and also when he took long time to answer certain questions, is not because he’s not listening, but because he wants to give it a thorough consideration.

As it turns out, Mrs Wind is also Mrs Beauty and Mr. Earth is also Mr. Geek, to a certain degree.

Aku tidak pilih Kiri, juga bukan pilih Kanan

Aku manusia yang sering bertanya.

adakah segala yang kudengar,

yang diajar, yang dibaca, yang dipercaya

benar belaka?

Bukankah di setiap syiling 10 sen -

di sebelah bunga raya, di sebelahnya congkak?

Apa guna syiling 10 sen,

jika bunga raya, tiada congkaknya

jika congkak, tiada bunga rayanya

tidak bernilai, tidak berharga, Tiada Guna

beri daku kedua-dua belah syiling itu

Biar aku tahu

maksud cerita

Si bunga raya

dan

Si congkak

©Naziehah Nov 2007

- “10 Tahun Sebelum Merdeka” di 10 Tahun Sebelum Merdeka Blog dan di Youtube by Fahmi Reza

The UPSR results came out yesterday. Me and my husband were unaware of it. Besides the fact that both of us once tutored UPSR candidates. And despite the fact that one of the cousin also sat for UPSR and it is a huge deal to go and ask the result because if not we are lousy relatives.

In the news today there are 8 pieces of news regarding the UPSR success. I do not know how to raise a kid in this environment. 

Nonconformist, anti-establishment, counterculture. Take your pick. 

But I believe in love for learning for the love of knowledge. I believe in truly wanting to learn something out of passion because that subject matters interest you so much you scour all books and read all articles and take all courses. I believe in true understanding of any subject matters until you know there’s something that you can contribute back to the studies and society. I believe in ‘Iqra’, ‘to read’ the first verse of Quran asking Prophet Muhammad to read. I believe in reading as much as you can, on everything that you can find. I believe in thinking, and asking questions, and finding answers and seeking the truth.

I believe learning should be further and higher and wider than just UPSR, PMR, SPM, STPS, A-Levels, Degree, Masters, PHD.

KUALA LUMPUR: Malaysia’s application to convert part of the Tun Abdul Razak Research Centre (TARRC) in Brickendonbury, London into a High Performance Training Centre (HPTC) was emphatically rejected by the East Council Development Control Committee on Wednesday.

The support of Sport England for the HPTC did not convince the council as its decision was swayed by the nine objections presented by case officer Tim Hagyard.
Objections were received from the police and utility companies.
Objections were also received from the Historical Society, the Biological Centre, the Development Planning Unit and Brickendon Liberty Parish.
(excerpt from NST Online )

Dear Cabinet Comittee for Sports,

Although I am not very athletic (unless you consider belly dancing 4-5 hours per week athletic), nor very well-versed in any requirements in making our athletes ‘world class’, I think you should listen to the wise council that already rejected the application. They had their own reasons, and I think you also should dig deep and find your own reason why this is the best decision for everybody.

I know Zig Ziglar said ‘See you at the top’ and I know dream big, think big is probably the motto that you had in mind when planning this HPTC. But, High Performance Training Centre (HTPC) is as imbecile a name as the whole idea. Putting the phrase ‘High Performance’ does not mean that people will be performing err..highly. No matter how HIGH the building or the name given, if the heart and spirit of our men is SMALL and MINISCULE, it will serve no results.

Build their inner strength. I don’t know the method, you are the expert. Figure it out. But all I know is everything must starts from within. The will to suceed. The will to compete. The will to love. The will to sacrifice. The will to do anything they can do to make sure that they will see you at the top.

I know its not as tangible as building a block that symbolises your effort in encouraging them. I know its easier to point to that block of building later and say ‘Kita dah membina pusat bertaraf antarabangsa di negara asing, kenapa tak menang lagi?‘. You know, play the guilt card. I know Malaysians as a whole are quite averse to the intangibles. We are quite impatient. We want to build the High Performance building one day, and wins the Olympic tomorrow.

Cabinet Committee of Sports, we must do our job sincerely. But also we must think carefully. We must be true and patient. Short cuts will only lead to one thing. Bottom spots for all our athletes, yet again.

Oh Malu

aku pada diri sendiri

lantang dalam hati kecut dalam aksi

kenapa biar rasa takut itu

jadi momok halang suara hati

atau sebenarnya

aku memang tak peduli?

*on Nov 10 2007

©Naziehah Nov 2007