naziehah

We (me and Z ) do not have a fridge. We live our life, fridgeless. In the era of everybody-must-have-fridge, We Do Not Have One.

Until Yesterday. We bought our first fridge! Weeeee.

Who would have thought that buying the first fridge can be so exciting? Until I realise, that you need to Not Have the fridge first, only then you will be excited at the prospect of buying a first fridge.

Both of us lived in KL, both of us always have fridge, our whole life. Except when we were in boarding schools and colleges where fridge was not necesary because we have dining halls!  Then off we went to UK when, of course, it is a land of free fridge. So we rarely thought of how our live would be - without fridge.

After a few months, we realised that we didn’t miss it all that much actually. I can live without drinking chilled drinks. Although Z had a harder time because he loves his ice cubes. Sure, we need to consume our fruits and vegetables as soon as possible and sure there will be a few rotten cucumbers and carrots once in a while, but we are fine. We also consume our protein mostly from eggs and tinned sardines, but we realise we didn’t miss fresh chicken or fish or red meat too much either. 

But what I like most about not having fridge is that when I can say to people and relatives (mostly to the latter) that ‘Owh, we would love to invite you to dinner or lunch at our house and I can cook - but we DON’T HAVE FRIDGE’. And they will always nod sympathetically at the newlyweds who do not have a fridge yet. And I always smiled gleefully inside.

So, as much as I am excited having this new fridge, I am also concerned at what other new responses I have to concoct to relatives who always wants to eat my cooking?

I know ‘I can’t cook’ never works. Somehow it makes them insists even more. *grrr*

Well, putting my narcisstic-new-wife comments aside, I am also amazed like how we can enjoy a seemingly non-significant thing like a new fridge so much. We are excited to go shopping and buy things that we can’t buy before because we don’t have fridge - like butter and milk. How Z is excited that he can stock up on his fruits and how I can buy yoghurts now. Silly simple pleasures like that.

Ah, we live a simple life indeed.

Don’t you just looove the supposedly Eid-al-Adha celebration day turning into ‘Let’s question/hint at the un-pregnant woman’ Day.

Look, people. As I clearly state on my title - my uterus, my choice. If you have any problem with that, well, I don’t care!

I do not understand the neverending hints and questionings and suggestions for me to get pregnant. Why, is it such a sore to your eyes looking at my flat tummy? (although now it is not as flat as it used to be thanks to greasy Malaysian food). Why, are you so unsettled looking at the perfectly content stage me and my husband in - not having a baby? Why, do you think you need to say things just to make me hate you more? Good luck trying to change my mind into having a baby by adopting that attitude! Belief me I tried to be ‘humble’ and all ‘ketimuran‘ by shutting my mouth up when these issues arise. But let’s just see how long my ‘ketimuran‘ trait can last. If you can talk rubbish, so can I! 

It is so degrading to be valued by how many kids you can produce. So what if I have 7 or 70 or 700 siblings? It has got nothing to do with how many/how soon I want to have kids. If my parent decide to have that many children, it’s their choice. And I have my own choice. A little respect and common sense, please.

(Gosh, I have lost the touch of ranting - let’s try to be meaner, cos I sure do sound meaner when ranting to the hubby just now)

Look. I am a mature modern women who do not values myself with how many shrieking kids I can push out from my vagina. Nor my husband ‘kejantanan‘ by how fast or quickly he can get me pregnant. Gosh! What age do you live in? I can’t believe I am still surrounded by people who hold these ideas?? So kampung so menyakitkan hati so boleh blah!

Ok let me give you food for thought. To replace the stale stinky ideas you have in your head. Pay attention.

We (me and husband) values ourselves by our integrity,honesty,faith to religion,willingness to learn,creativity,brain power,interpersonal skill, loyalty to each other - etc. If you do not understand any of these words - please, there’s Dictionary.com.

We do not values ourselves by mindless society expectation. Or whatever crap you call ‘adat resam’ or ‘budaya’. Note that, what you call, not the reality of our ‘adat resam’ and ‘budaya’.  No, not by how ‘ketat’ things are or how ‘kuat‘ things are. Or with how many ‘anak-anak pembawa rezeki’ we have or should have. Or how big our new car, new house, new pram, new ‘buaian’, new this, new that. We don’t give a damn.

We live how we like, we plan things according to our own values and goals, we prayed to Him and we ‘tawakkal’. Simple, yeah?

So it would be great if you could just make our life even more simpler by just keeping your worthless ideas to yourself because we do not need them. I am perfectly happy as I am now, in this marriage - kidless! At the moment, we would like to keep it this way. And no matter how many hints or stupid remarks you going to give, you will not make me breed. I am not a bloody farm animal!

(This doesn’t sound too much like the ranting I used to do before. Maybe marriage has mellowed me down.)

Mrs. Wind’s first anniversary is fast approaching. And she didn’t have anything. planned. yet. *sigh*

It’s not that she didn’t remember. Or she didn’t care. It’s just she is just so used to Mr. Earth’s plan, she sort of not yet develop the skill of planning things for a husband. And also, because she swears by spontaneity in everything that has got to do with relationships.  

So she thinks of a suprise thing. But.

The only surprise she ever did to the husband is to surprise him by preparing a rice chicken (all by herself) but the surprise is not totally a surprise because halfway through the preparation she needs to call and ask Mr. Earth’s what to do if the rice is ‘undercooked’. And yes, she is using the automatic rice cooker, thank you very much!

So, back to the dilemma, what to plan..what to plan..it does not make it any easier too when the anniversary is on the eve of one major celebration in Malaysia! Great isn’t it?

So in her panicking, she asked Mr. Earth whether he has anything planned yet. And in a very typical Mr. Earth style he asnwered:

‘Yes, months ago’

Arghhhhh. *running around going berserk around the house, pulling hair out*

[ Ok, I may sound like a drama queen this past few days. Oscillating (omg, I know how to use the word oscillating?? - it just sort of pop in my head - anyway ) between the highest of high and lowest of low. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a bit. Basically from one day feeling happier, the next not-so-happy. Hormonal? I think so. ]

Yesterday I had my last workshop for the year 2007. I have to say, one of the greatest feeling in this world to me, is the whole experience of conducting a workshop. There’s nothing like working very hard, practising very hard, preparing choreography, preparing schedules and tips, working out the best way to organise the time frame, how to make sure everybody is comfortable and able to learn as effectively. And on the day itself, how to present these materials to them as effectively as possible. To be my best self, and perform the best that I coould. Oh the rush, and the adrenaline. And then, when the workshop is done, and my whole body is so spent, I took a shower, had a great dinner, and sleep my deepest sleep ever. Super,Premium,Supreme, Smashing feeling in the world!  

I am looking forward to more interesting and exciting projects next year. I am going to collaborate with many more great and talented individuals to do workshops, events, shows. It’s going to be a fabulous year next year!

Hari yang mulanya aman dan tenang, bertukar muram dan sendu - sesendu langit yang tidak mahu lagi berwarna cerah. Aku bingung dengan diri sendiri. Hanya kerana satu perkara itu, kau buang seluruh hari?

Hari yang berlalu tak boleh diulang lagi. Gone. Wasted.

Bila agaknya sakit ini akan sembuh?

It’s no secret that I love reality tv shows. Before the arrival of reality tv show in Malaysia, I never watch any production of the local tv station. The ‘drama swastas’ are just too sappy and melodramatic for my liking. Therefore, I spent my time picking on my younger sister who always sobbed her way through the drama. Hehehe. Having said that, I am yet to find local reality tv shows that grabbed me. All I’ve seen so far, is so-so.

I love ANTM ( America’s Next Top Model ). I have watched every season since I bumped into the shows. I started with season 2, where Yoanna is the winner and I waited eagerly every week for the season 9 that ended with Saleisha as the winner.

I love the show not because I love modelling. Or because I agree with the American obession with thinness and youth. Nor the gossipy, bitchy girls. And of course, I do have my own reservation on certain issues. But let’s not be such an old boring head-master the whole time shall we

What I love about the show is how much I am able to learn about the art of photography. How I can learn about how to move your body a certain way to make it look a certain way. How we can change an expression just by pulling a few of your face muscles. And for these, I have to salute Tyra for her expertise and her immense knowledge. Also, for her graciousness in sharing those knowledge with the girls and the viewers.

I am also learning so much about girls - especially teenage girls. Surprisingly, I also learnt a lot about myself from watching these girls. I am able to reflect on my younger self, understanding myself better. Also, understanding the issues underlying my past behaviours better. And perhaps, I am able to forgive myself better. Thanks to these girls and the show, I became more aware of my own self.

I believe there’s goodness in everything if we tried our hardest to find it. Be it in a bitchy girl, or the stuck-up blonde, or the quiet, artsy dark-haired girl. Regardless of their age, and race, and religion - in the end of the day, we are all human beings with flaws and mistakes. We tried our hardest to overcome all obstacles, despite the gnawing pain and the shadows of our troubled past. We grow up. We move on. Although some did the growing up faster than the other.

I will keep watching the show for as long as I can find useful knowledge to learn. I hope I will continue being able to find knowledge and purpose in simple albeit commercial-ish show. You know just to keep myself grounded on the reality of the popular culture and not to be separated too much from society as a whole. (a whole other entry for this one!).

Till then, Go Tyra! Go Tyra! Go Tyra! (in an -Amercian cheerleading chant! )

( First Pic Top Left: Yoanna Winner Cycle 2, Second Pic Middle Right: Naima Winner Cycle 4, LasT Pic Bottom Left: Great photo of Tyra )

Oh light

that eludes and dissappers

into a corner of tricky shadows and doubts 

Footsteps

that fades and vanish

as fast as the fickle wind 

Unfolding the unspoken dreams

of young heart 

Oh my painful yearning

of the love

that is colder than the chill

of his steely heart 

©Naziehah Dec 2007    

Pecahan
Satu jasad dua jiwa
hingar di telinga kata-kata
konon pendita
menunjuk itu ini
Jalan Lurus
bagi mereka 

Bingung
bila keamanan aku
jadi Caci
bila riuh
dan penat aku
juga jadi Nista 

Biarkan saja aku
pukul gendang
tari sendiri
 

©Naziehah Dec 2007

Orang-orang itu

Buat aku resah

Sesak dalam dada

Menghimpit dan menyepit

Rasa seakan aku ini
Blok mainan yang tidak ada
Padanannya
Asing dan Pelik
Tidak kena
Tidak padan 

Orang-orang itu
Membuat aku
Bernafas tersekat-sekat 

©Naziehah Dec 2007 

 I am one very happy lady these past few days. My good mood seems to continue from Monday, to Tuesday, to Wednesday

On Monday I went to teach a group of girls some belly dancing moves for their performance. They are going to perform to a medley of songs, from Nicole’s Puppy Lover to a new Hindi song Maiyya-Maiyya for their uncle’s wedding. I had fun meeting them and also meeting one of my very first student from TTFC, J.

On Tuesday, I went for lunch that ends for a whole day with my friend, C. Also one of my student, that becomes a very good friend indeed. We had lunch at these amazing Lebanese restaurant, Al-Bait, that serves great vegetarian dish! Well, they also has the traditional meat and kebab’s but because C is a vegetarian I decided to go vegetarian for the day too! And I am glad I did not succumb to my meat gluttonny because I would have never realise that there are so many delicious vegetarian food. The salads, which is called ‘tabbouleh’ is simply out of this world. A perfect combination of herbs and lemon. The hommous-like dish ( which now I can’t remember what’s the name ) is simply delicious. It is a blend of cheese yogurt and mint (or something like that). I would have never ordered something with a word cheese in it (because I don’t really like cheese ), but the dish was very tasty. We talked and talked for hours about everything. From politics to sociology, from religion to phsycology - I believe we’ve covered every topic there is to be talked about! It is really great to have a friend that you can talk about so many things of your interest, but might seems too weird/too heavy/too serious/too depressing/too sensitive for most people. Like parallel universe and how to see the aura ;).

And today, I had the best meeting of my life with this wonderful and amazing lady, Z. How did I get to know her, and our first encounter alone would deserve a few entries in this blog! She is one of the most interesting person I have ever met in my life, a combination of genuine charm and charisma. Her energy is so infectious it lights up the whole KLCC Starbucks. It was a very fruitful (although I feel fruitful is too bland a word to describe it) meeting. I am glad and at the same time humbled that she took her time to meet me and is also interested in what I had in mind.  The meeting left me feeling so high and energized I actually cook a whole meal for dinner (which is something of a rare occurence ). I am positive that this meeting is the first of many more succesful meetings and projects to come.