I present to you..my lil sister!

Being the eldest sister, I took it upon me to teach all my sisters (all 4 of them), a thing or 2 about fashion/make-up/ and all things girly. And as they grew up and live their own life, their own sense of  personality and lifetyle will further shape their sense of style. So, I am so proud seeing one of them featured here in Hijab Style.

This is what I like most about what she said:

I love colours, and I think the ‘cherry on top’ with wearing hijabs is that I can match (or sometimes purposely mismatch) the colour of my dress with my headscarf, and this can bring statements to my attire for certain occasions. I feel it’s an obligation for me to celebrate the colours of God’s creation too! There are no rules in fashion – so I promote creativity in choosing what to wear!

I also like her Top Tip:

When it comes to fashion, you are your own boss. So don’t let other people dictate what you want to wear. We only need to answer to God, and with the creativity He blessed us with, we should use it to our satisfaction and enjoyment

Oh you did me proud sister

I apologise for the lack of  ’Trendy Thursday’ updates and for not getting back to a few e-mails, I blame it on the coursework. At the risk of sounding like a whiny blogger, do let me explain a little bit of what’s happening in my student life. This semester is a bit crazy for me because I am taking most of the credits this semester, in order to free up next semester for research. Therefore, I am constantly chasing one deadlines after another. Hopefully, next semester I will be much more free. And next semester is just a few weeks away, so please bear with me!

I had a great time this weekend with my sister in Northampton. We had Thai food, Dim Sum and ‘nasi kerabu’. A revisit to our heritage! (our parent is from Kelantan, our grandfather is from Thailand, and we probably have Chinese blood somewhere as we love Chinese food too much!).  We also watch New Moon and drooled over buff teenage werewolves in shorts, feeling very cougar-ish. I am now missing her badly

Now that I am back in Manchester, I will be facing an intense week of coursework finishing, reading and more reading, writing and meeting with 2 supervisors. Weeeee..

While I was reading the e-mail from one of my friend, and I read the beautiful and inspiring poem she wrote (you know who you are M , and thank you, so so much ), I couldn’t help but think of how amazing it is, the act of kindness.

As I blogged about before, I have trouble seeking help and reaching out to people regarding my problem. But the kindness and the encouraging words I received from my friends has helped me a lot in  gaining my confidence.  For that, I am forever grateful. Alhamdulillah.

I stop by the art gallery today, before class. I haven’t been there for a quite some time, thanks to coursework. And while I visited some of the painting I love, I brushed off those that I don’t understand. And I go ‘wtf is that? you call this art?’ And suddenly I realised something. I said that, because I looked at it from a very judgemental point of view. Trying to fit it into what I thought ‘art’ is. And thus, it stopped me from understanding it. Although I might not be able to appreciate it, but the least I could do, its to to understand it. It is quite a realisation for me and it made me go back and look at the painting again in a more open mind.

Coincidently, I came across a piece of news on the internet about a girl I used to watch in Youtube. And it made me think about judgment again. She used to be a Muslim, and now she decided to change her religion. I know this is a tricky subject, but I wonder, why people make it so tricky?

Why people made it so hard for other people to choose what they want to do, when our Creator has given us freewill. Our Creator has given us this right to do whatever it is that we choose. This is one thing that I think most people overlooked. Freewill.

We are so in our head, thinking that we can control people’s behaviour, people’s response, when in fact , if Allah wills it – He wills it. All we can do as another human being is to understand and learnt some lesson.  And who are we to stop other people from exercising their freewill? If the Creator allows it to happen, then surely there’s more to it than what meets the eye.

If only people look inward more, than outward. If only we seek to understand more and judge less. If only when we were faced with challenge, rather than always striking out with defensive response, we seek deep inside and look for an answer.  Do we really know what we think we know? How much do we really know?

For me, again, I am always grateful for whatever lesson that I can learn. There are many things I don’t understand. Things I don’t know for sure. Things I need to really learn and keep learning again. But one thing for sure, I always knew that my Creator is The Most Kind, Most Loving – for He has given me freewill. And while I go about seeking the answer to my questions, I have that knowledge to ease my mind and soothe my soul.

1. I hug a bear this morning. You know, those bear mascot thingies. It (because it’s a mascot) tried to hug a guy that walks in front of me, but he ran away. So I give it a hug.

2. I am so into my study. (yeah, yeah I keep saying this again and again but I can’t help it ). I am loving every minute of the lecture, and I can feel myself just gobbling up everything that the lecturers said. It is challenging and my brain is so tired everyday, but tired in a good way. Like after you workout, your muscle is tired, but you feel so good. Yeah, like that.  And I still remember this is exactly what I want. I used to go to a lot of seminars and lectures, and after some point, I found that I should be doing the teaching for I know the subject better than the teacher/speaker! The materials are outdated, under-researched with no substance whatsoever, and I became very frustrated. I realised than maybe I have learnt all I need for that level, and I need to move up another level.  Alhamdulillah, my prayer is granted

3. I wanted to go to Yusuf’s (previously known as Yusuf Islam) concert. But there’s nobody who wants to go with me I don’t mind going alone if it’s in Manchester, but it is in Liverpool and I have never been to Liverpool although it’s just a trainstop away. I initially plan to go to Birmingham’s concert, but I have coursework that’s due around that date, so that is out of question. So, it’s either Liverpool or London now. I keep checking the tickets, and they are still selling but I keep postponing buying because I still think that somehow I can find somebody who wants to go with me. Any takers?

4. I am starting to get allergic reaction from eating too much seafood I think. My body is so sensitive any imbalances in my diet either I am eating too little of this, or too much of that is immediately reflected on my skin. I have always loved fish and seafood, and although Manchester is full of ‘halal’ places, I do not eat that much chicken or red meat. So, to balance it out, today I had 2 piece chicken for dinner and I am so full. Blek.

5. I am planning to visit my sister I in Northampton next weekend. So, I need to really finish up my coursework. I aim to get it finished by Friday. We are going to watch New Moon. ehehe.

6. I haven’t been taking pictures for ages. I am so not a lifetsyle-blogger

7. I feel much better everyday. Keeping busy with courseworks and research helps a lot I think. But I don’t want to approach it as escapism. I want to learn how to embrace change. To embrace hardship. To embrace heartache. In my teenage years and early 20’s, I have always done this escapism thing and I knew now that it never solved anything. You are just burying the issue further, but you are not resolving it. I am learning to resolve, to accept, to forgive, to forget, and most importantly to be at peace with myself.

Isn’t it just so lovely. The playing. The music. Even if it’s not your thing surely you can appreciate this one.

My Motivational Monday now is becoming Musical Monday. I have made a habit of treating myself with beautiful classical music every Monday at the RNCM lunchtime concert.

And in the concert just now, as I was swept away with the beautiful playing, in my mind’s eye, I suddenly saw a  world that is buzzing with creative energy. Where people all coming together to create great works – either in art or science or business. And when they rest, they pray. And, they start working again. For their work, the art, their thought, are all inspired by The One, The Only One. It’s such a vivid visualisation in my head. And it made me feel very happy.

And I have been enjoying my research every day. Today while reading in the library, I thought of how in Malaysia I used to hang around in MPH, browsing their business books, and budgeting my money as I can only spend so much on books. And now, here I am, surrounded by books of every nature, of every kind – and I can just swipe my library card and they are mine! (well, at least for a week).

And then reading messages and comments from friends, I feel warmth and life comes back to me. I don’t even know where to begin to express my gratitude for the few short sentences all of you sent my way. When the cold and loneliness creeps in again, now I have your messages to warm my heart. Thank you all, you beautiful people.

These are the things that made me put everything in perspective. My life in perspective. While there as aspects of my life that I am sad about, there are so many more things that I am just so blessed with. How can I complaint for long? How can I be ungrateful?

Thank you again, alhamdulillah.

..the tough get going (altogether now!)

I am facing a rather difficult time in my personal life now. Which I’m sure happened to everyone of us at some point in our life. My challenge is, and now I am going to be very honest about it – I am not very good at talking about my problems. This is the side effect of being the firstborn, I’m told.

I am much comfortable being the shoulder to cry on, than being the crier. Some people told me to just get over it and open up to people. While this might be easy for some of us, this is a very difficult thing for me to do. And as I get older, it just keep getting harder and harder!

However, although in this moment, when I am feeling a bit low, I am still grateful that I can put things in perspective. I can reflect and think about how I am going to make myself and the situation better. For this I am forever grateful to my mother, for teaching me about faith and hope and prayer and to my father, who taught me that nothing is impossible, if you want it bad enough.

This hard times are also a reminder to me to cherish good times. For if there is no hard times, how would we know the value of good times? And I have been blessed with so many good times and beautiful moments.

I guess, when we step away from our problems, and look at it as an outsider – we’ll realise that thing is not so bad. Of course, there are things that is going to be different, but again, that’s life isn’t it. Nothing stays the same.

Again, because I am not very good at verbalising my cry for help, I hope some of you who’s hoping that I do the first step reaching out – please do extend your hand first, and let me grab hold. And even if I don’t take it the first time, please don’t give up on me. Trust me, I am trying as hard as I can. It’s not easy to break a pattern of 28 years!

I appreciate the fact that some of you are still very patient with me. Even if I don’t reach out yet, do know that I really appreciate every small hellos, every little contact, every little message – facebook or e-mail that is sent my way. I will get back to them, insha-Allah.

If you know me personally, either from way back in school, or if you have met me in some point of my life and we clicked for some reason, do know that this is the time that I would appreciate a little bit of hellos. Amazingly, once I started thinking about making connections with my friends, I have been getting a few hellos. I really do appreciate all of them, thank you very much.

I am sure things are going to get better, insha-Allah. While I am a bit in the slump, I hope you can say a little prayer for me.

Ok this is a bit overdue but I am a masters student now, updating my psersonal blog daily is a luxury I can’t afford!

I went and watch Chicago the musical at the Palace Theatre some days ago (or is it last week?) and I had a blast! I watched the movie first, and I loved it and have watched it nearly 10 times. So, when the tour came to Manchester, I just have to catch the show! I love almost all songs from Chicago but my favourite part got to be the ‘cell-block tango’ and ‘mr cellophane’. All the dancers were super-fit which made my flab shrink in embarassment. Gotta hit that Wii Fit! (ahaha, ok, this is for another entry)

(image credit to here)

Btw, this is the original poster!

Then on Tuesday I watched La Haine at the public-screening organised by the race relation organisation in the uni. It was such a good movie. Before it start, we were given a short introduction and background analysis of the movie from a phd student studying drama. The movie dealt with a really heavy subject, but the director still manage to entertain while making me depressed at the same time. This, to me – is the mark of a really good movie. It’s ability to make you feel so many emotions, and still leave a poignant message for you to ponder on your way back.

(image credit to here)

It’s such a contrast those 2, Chicago and La Haine. Almost a direct opposite.  But both had things that I can learn from

semua tunduk. jalan laju
bawah payung. parka kelabu
hujan turun. rintik berlagu
rititik rititik
rututu rututu

this sort-of poem came to me while i was walking in the rain. it keep me occupied and less focused on the fact that my feet is soaking wet and my jeans was drenched to the knee.

ah, definitely the time to get myself that yellow phua-chu-kang’s boot.

on another note, I just came back from watching Chicago at the Palace Theatre. So going to blog about it next!